Painstaking Moments

Painstaking. Not knowing the meaning of the word, one could easily tear the word apart and see pain. And then stake. And then, perhaps, wonder why it means so much more than causing pain…but rather working tirelessly to absolve the situation and make it better.

Synonyms I found for it include:

Meticulously

Conscientiously

Seriously

Earnestly.

_________

Pain has been an enemy for a long time for me. I fought seriously, earnestly, conscientiously to overcome it. In some ways, I have, yet I feel more like a failure in my own capacity. Then somedays, I thrive.

One thing I do to overcome that I love to do is sing. Today my choice for church is “How Great Thou Art” It’s a beautiful song. Soul is the high point. The word soul is the hardest to hit and be satisfied with it. I painstakingly sing it over and over trying to give it honor. My poor dear cat, serenades me with a worried look. She doesn’t leave or cover her ears, but she keeps reminding me she’s hearing me. She endues painstaking measures of awareness until I stop and love on her.

I think it’s like that for many. We give it our all to hit the high point. Sometimes for power, sometimes for pain, sometimes for gain…sometimes just because we must for ourselves.

Would you know, I failed to make the choir in high school. That hurt. The girls in my class so blatantly mocked it, I never tried again. However, I never gave up. I sang with Vickie Lawrence on a 45 with my record player. It had disco lights on it that grooved with the music. Yes, I’m that old.

The song was, I think, “Keep on Singing”. I can’t remember the name of it at this moment. I sang it in my room with the door shut. So shy. So tender. I took all things to heart, and singing was one thing I wanted to be doing.

Fast forward about 25 years, I was born again and in a church that enjoyed contemporary music. I fell in love with the music just after I came to greatly appreciate our Lord God. My best friend had a birthday coming up. I asked if I could sing for her after the offering. She and I had both given up alcohol. In different settings, different scenarios…but we were both free of addiction and that was the miracle.

I chose to sing a favorite of hers, “One Day at a Time”. I tried to get the accompaniment from the internet, but it wasn’t what I remembered. It was as it was then, but I couldn’t sing with it so I sang acapella, to the Pastors chagrin.

I sang with my own inner lyrics and it went very well. My friend cheered me on at the end and noted I should perform on one of the music shows on Television. The Pastor asked me to sing for worship.

Oh, the joy!

I chose not to do the TV thing. I wanted to offer anything I had to God. Not for money or fame. I’ve seen it go too wrong for some. I want my relationship with God to be as holy as I can without being pumped up with a falsetto pride.

I’m not condemning anyone who does sing and leads the world in song. More power to them. I just wasn’t sure if I could handle all that. I’m a shut-door-in-my-room-music type girl after all. The shyness hasn’t completely dispersed.

Recently, I joined a new church who had little for their music ministry. I’m Caucasian. Most of the parishioners are Spanish in heritage. Another dear friend of mine is Spanish, and we share a great love of God, a great love of music and a great desire to bring people to Jesus.

While I was able to sing in English, I felt the need to honor their heritage. Therefore, I started to translate the music. I wrote some songs and a poem.

The problem came when I tried to sing in Spanish. I didn’t know the words I’d translated well enough. No one complained but it was less than I felt it should be.

The poem I wrote for Mother’s Day seemed appropriate and good, yet if I botched it with inaccuracy or delivery, I’d feel horrible, so I passed it to a friend. She understood I wanted her to deliver it. She smiled and delivered it to a 17-year-old girl sitting next to her. The young girl was so shy and so overwhelmed. The timing was good and, though she struggled with composure, delivery was beautiful! I think a Star has been born!

Today, I bring four well known contemporary songs with me to church to offer to her in hopes she’ll broaden her horizons even more.

Painstakingly doing the footwork and offering all to Jesus. My reward on this earth is tears of joy. I don’t even mind tears of sadness at times. It’s my silent admonition that I’m occasionally embarrassed about, but it's perfect to offer to God.

Today, I will sing, “How Great Thou Art” in English. I hope all the Soul is released and, maybe, just maybe, with a prayer, someone will grow deeper in love with the Lord.