And then…
My worst struggles… began and lessened with Faith.
Initially, I fought for anyone in pain… At times I failed. Other times, I failed miserably… yet the presence and love of God led me through.
In the darkest seasons, I cried out at my kitchen table, days on end, wishing only for someone, anyone to call, to help, to encourage. I knew few people well, I trusted even fewer.
I had one visitor one hour a week. Nothing more for the better part of 6 months.
The last time I could manage the wretched sorrow alone began when my one hour visit ended at maybe 25 minutes! I baked cookies trying to improve.. to fight back the screams flowing in my thoughts. My friend decided I was so busy I didn’t need him! With too Many seasons behind I inwardly screamed, but outwardly kept my peace.
I called an acquaintance from Church. I was new there, and she was quietly very supporting. Just a little encouragement, a little tease on occasion… I felt better talking with her.
She brought another church member with. Together they gave me the tools needed to overcome.
Reading the Bible was hard. Not raised to read it daily.. I don’t blame my elders but rather , the historical suffering of the family… i began to randomly read as many scriptures as I could to fill my cup… I learned though, randomly reading the Bible can be hazardous. At one point, it seemed every few words was another death, another sorrow, wickedness. Where was all the inspiration? The hope? The peace of God’s word?
In desperation, I sought out devotionals. One after another didn’t fit until I received , “On Holy Ground”, written by Charles Stanley. Centering first and foremost were the comforting verses.
Then a calm Explanation of Gods resources, reasoning, or peaceful truth. Anxiety lessened by 50% in a few days. I had one “Christian” cd.
At least I thought it was. In truth it was the soundtrack to a popular TV show. When the ladies arrived to rescue my soul, it was the first question asked. The first thing to change.
My lessons of faith reached exponential levels that night. I’m So thankful.
Over the next few years, I grew spiritually and healed in a way i didn’t believe was possible.
Today I reached for a monthly Devotional from Dr. Stanley’s church. He’s long passed on, but I still seek his comforting words, the gentle teachings on occasion. This particular devotional spoke of storms and three steps to intercede.
First : Our beliefs. We must know what they are, if it’s based on truth, how strongly we believe…are we more like Joseph or could we have doubts as Peter did?
Second: Transformation. Do we live as such to display Christ’s character?
Third: Recognize Christ’s presence.
The three growth needs lead us to witness… this is why I write of the trials. To give hope to the hopeless , the lost , the unknowing, the unbelieving…that God is there. He is for us, not against us. Seek among the parishioners if you struggle. The witness is there, give God time. He will help You connect.
Give your faith that much time. I can’t say that strong enough.
Let go and let Him walk it out with you. He will Be there. Every step of the way.